Jason has started a top-10 contest for a ticket to TechCrunch50. That young man has too much time on his hands. And apparently so do I.

1) If I win the ticket, I will hold a top-10 contest to regift it.

2) If I win the ticket, I will use it myself.

3) If I win the ticket, and do #1, I will write and post a poem about the regifting experience.

4) If I win the ticket, and do #2, I will write a top-50 list about the conference.

5) If I win the ticket, I will keep it, but fail to attend the conference, wasting the ticket.

6) If I win the ticket, and do #5, I will post a picture of me sitting on my front porch in my underwear (boxer briefs).

7) If I win the ticket, and later am invited on David Letterman, Jason can come with me, hang out in the green room, and eat all the cookies.

8) If I win the ticket, and decide to go with #2, I will promote TechCrunch50 every weekday on Download Squad. (Sorry Victor. A guy's got to do what a guy's got to do.)

9) If I win the ticket, decide to go with #2, start promoting every day on Download Squad, then change my mind and do the regifting, I will update each of the promotional posts with the sentence: "I am missing the chance of a lifetime. Will I ever stop weeping?"

10) If I win the ticket, I will remain the same caring and compassionate individual that I am today. I will not give up my blog, denounce blogging, or post Bigfoot entries. That is my promise to you, the American people. (Oh, and anyone reading overseas.)